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cleanData.js
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cleanData.js
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module.exports = [
{
"title": "The horror at 30,000 feet!",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Goldbears-Pound/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8",
"body": "My flight was leaving at 8 in the morning. After awaking and trying to get to the airport, I forgot to grab something to eat. I usually take my time and do things in order, but not this day. I was traveling from Boston to LA coming home from a work trFip. I do it regularly so nothing was new to me. I stayed in the same hotel and knew the time I needed to leave to get to the airport on time. During my work trip, I stopped at a convenience store and saw these gummy bears and thought they would be a perfect gift for my son Charlie. He loves gummy bears and gummy worms. So the morning I was to head back to LA, I slept through my alarm. That never happens. I rushed to get out of the hotel and threw those gummies in my carry on bag to make it on time to the airport. After speeding and filling up gas in the rental, I made it to my gate as they were boarding.I get on the plane and head down the aisle to find my window seat near the middle of the plane. I asked politely for the two adorable older ladies siting in the middle and aisle seats if I could pass by to my seat. They obliged. The lady in the middle must have been around 80 years old so it took her some time to get up and make sure she was holding on to something so she didn't fall as she stepped into the aisle. I thanked them as I sat and settled into my seat.Fast forward 20 minutes as we reach our cruising altitude of around 30,000 feet in the air. As I reach into my carry on bag to grab my headphones, I see the gummy bears. Since I am hungry and need something, I decided to open them up and just have a few to hold me over until we land. I wanted to save some for my son so I maybe had 4 or 5. But I had 4 or 5 too many because once the bears had a few minutes to adjust to their new home, they began to work.It started out with a little cramp. Which is normal with gassing on a plane. You do not want to fart on a plane so you hold it in. It is airplane etiquette. It would come and go over a few minutes so I thought nothing of it. Then it got worse. The cramps intensified, the sweating started, and I began to notice the older ladies looking over at me. About 30 minutes into eating these bears, my thinking went from, \"Oh these are just farts, I can hold them,\" to \"Oh dear God not here.\" I have been a Christian my whole life and this is the test. If there is a God, please help me leave this plane with my dignity intact.After waiting for the intense cramp wave to pass, I stood up and jump over those two women. I could not wait for them to stand so I stood up, (my back facing them) and tried to shimmy pass them. I think a toot came out cause I heard one say, \"Oh Lord, was that you?\" After reaching the aisle, I waddled to the back of the plane where the least amount of risk would be. To my dismay, it was in use. That left one bathroom left in the front. I looked down the aisle and saw my Mt. Everest. I had to somehow keeps my wet cheeks tighter than Fort Knox whilst waddling forward, whilst praying no one gets out of their seats.After 5 minutes of stop and go, I made it to the bathroom and was pulling my pants down as I entered the bathroom. The door was still unlocked as the sweet release was underway. I thought I died. I thought this was it. Even though I was on the throne confessing my sins, I thought my time was called. I lost count on how many knocks at the door there was. I must have been in there for 45 minutes, but I made it.I washed my hands, and threw water in my face to calm me down. Opening the door, I saw the faces looking back at me. Apparently the seal to the bathroom was not air tight. Letting just the slightest airflow from that bathroom to the main cabin possible. These were daughters, mothers, and children looking at me. I could feel their questions and comments. \"What have you done?\" \"We still have 2 hours left.\" \"Please divert this plane.\"As I began walking down, the man in the first row of first class grabbed my arm. He said, \"Hey man, where is your seat?\" Confused, I told him and he said, \"Go get your stuff and come back and sit here, you need this more then me.\" I was embarrassed and ashamed. I had a family at home waiting for me.I recommend theses bears to anyone. But please eat them responsibly."
},
{
"title": "One of the worst days of my life",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Goldbears-Pound/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8",
"body": "I ate half of a 6 oz bag I picked up at CVS. They changed the color of the bag. I didn't know. I spent 24 hours in the fetal position on my bathroom floor repeating \"please God, why?\" I still don't have an answer."
},
{
"title": "Umm, smells like hell",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Goldbears-Pound/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8",
"body": "This was the day my life changed. I bought a bag of these delicious Satan snacks, and they took me back to the past. It took me back to the day Pompeii erupted, instead of lava there was hot brown liquid feces exploding out of what could be the black pit of hell. I was sitting on my toilet, sweaty AF, It felt like I was in a sana after drinking vegi free combucha while being punch in the gut by Arnold Schwarzenegger, the worst part was I didn't have any toilet paper I questioned myself if I should use my dog to while my sweaty crack of hell, but I'd rather shoot him befor I put him through that hell like place.... all in all 10/10 great gift, would by again"
},
{
"title": "It worked like a charm",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Goldbears-Pound/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8",
"body": "Bought these after reading the reviews and decided to prank my cousin. It worked like a charm, after eating handfuls he was on the toilet for days. He continued to eat them not knowing they were the cause of his explosive diarrhea. Only when he finished the bag did I decide to reveal my secret."
},
{
"title": "Stand by for jet propulsion",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Goldbears-Pound/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8",
"body": "Did you hear that sonic boom? Yeah, that was me after 3 of these."
},
{
"title": "Eat if you dare...",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Goldbears-Pound/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8",
"body": "I sit here writing this review at 4AM from my porcelain throne, a fixture you will become all too familiar with if you chose to eat these cute little bears from the pits of hell. I had to eat a pound of these little bastards after Man City must've thought they were playing American football the other week, and lost to a team of Arsenal scrubs. They were a bit chewy but overall, appeared to be nothing more than your average gummy bears. After about 2 hours with little more than some mild stomach cramps, feeling like one would expect from eating a pound of any candy, I began to wonder if I'd gotten some duds. Like the slow build-up of a Martin Scorsese film however, those bears were waiting for their baptism scene to destroy my insides. It started with the cramping, very akin to doing 1,000 crunches and then being forced to hold the 1,001st crunch indefinitely. Then came the initial \"run\" which opened the proverbial flood gates. I'm over 30 and I'm beginning to wonder if these bears know that and want to send me back to the can for each year I've been on this earth to make me wonder why I'd ever been born. In between gastrointestinal bouts of pressure washing the inside of my toilet from my anus, I lay in bed feeling as if someone were to punch me in the stomach, I'd explode, turning the walls of my bedroom into a soiled Jackson Pollock rendition. To give you an idea, I'd spent $50 ordering a UFC pay-per-view only to willingly miss the last 2-3 fights on the main card because I didn't want to stray too far from my master bathroom. Thankfully for me (and my marriage), fearing what might be coming, I convinced my wife to spend the evening at my sister-in-laws because trust me fellas, nothing will be gained from your significant other experiencing this with you. I'm no longer in pain but am still having to make trips back to my master bath on a regular basis. Eat these if you dare but be forewarned, they are not to be trifled with unless you want your toilet to be a staging ground for repeat fecal rehearsals of \"The Red Wedding\" from Game of Thrones."
},
{
"title": "Performed exactly as advertised",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Goldbears-Pound/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8",
"body": "To preface this, I will state that it is not good to upset anyone in the military supply network. This is especially true for a supply NCO (non-commissioned officer) who can be both creative and vindictive to those who earn his ire.One of my biggest pet peeves was troopies who walked into my supply room and decided to go through things on my counter or desk. It is for this reason that I purchased two bags of these sweet little revenge snacks.I briefed my minions that morning that the snacks were to be unsullied by their hands. I told them that I would know and it would not go unpunished by both myself and the higher powers. They thought I was joking, but decided to not test my authority before my eyes.With that said, I placed the bowl on the back part of the counter just in reach of anyone loitering inside my supply room. The rules were posted for all to see when they came in. So, they were warned. A large sign that said, “If you touch my stuff, you will be punished.” They decided to test me, I guess.On this weekend, we were set to do general cleaning and maintenance within the Battalion. So, my desk was rather busy (Battalion Headquarters supply room). I was in and out of my office all day. However, I made sure to take general measurements of my bowl of horror every time I came back.Shortly before lunch, my unholy wrath began to strike. My supply room is one door down from the latrines and the row of male commodes is on the other side of the wall from my desk. It was the first, but was not the last.It was initially heralded by the sound of Gabriel's trumpet escaping the sphincter of one poor soul. He hit the latrine and sounded as if he kicked the stall door open. For the next thirty minutes, I listened to the sounds of a live humpback whale being butchered by a blind man wielding a chainsaw.It was not long before another troop, this time a female, made her way to the latrine. She came from the indoor pistol range and had to cross in front of my door. I saw a pale woman with sweat streaking her face. She was hobbling with one hand on the wall for support and the other on her stomach praying for just a little more time.For lunch, I ripped into an MRE (the Army brown bag lunch) and listened to the ever-growing chorus of those who had so far snuck down half of my bowl of brightly-colored Improvised Colon Explosive Devices. I was not sure if the other side of the building was seeing the same activity in the latrines, but the smell reached my door by the end of lunch. Good thing I was stationed with an Infantry unit for the first four years of my career, so I was accustomed to bad odors.One of my minions did not return from lunch, so I volunteered another to perform a possibly suicidal scouting mission into the male latrine in search of my wayward soul. He was there, and had been since the beginning of lunch.By 15:00 (3:PM), I was told that the unit was being locked down and there was an emergency meeting in the Battalion briefing room. I had a suspicion of the reason, but attended as I was ordered to do so. By this time, my bowl of gelatinous bowel howitzer ammunition was one quarter filled.The meeting began slightly off schedule. At 15:22, the Sergeant Major walked into the room and looked as if he had just performed a three-day combat operation without sleep. The Battalion X.O. walked in not long after and looked as if he had been intimately assaulted by a rather insistent horse. I used all of my military bearing to keep from cracking a joke about cavalry officers walking bow-legged.The Battalion Surgeon walked in and told us that there was a high chance that the unit had come in contact with a strange stomach bug. Roughly half of the battalion was complaining of stomach cramps and explosive diarrhea. It seemed to mostly be affecting HHC (the headquarters) and C Co. (the company that was on the same side of the building as us—also the medics). Until symptoms cleared up, the unit was in lock-down and cleaning mode.I went back to my supply room with the intent to bag up the remaining evidence of my involvement only to find that the bowl was missing. My minions were too wrapped up to notice anything, though. So, I began a search for the evidence that would probably land me in front of a firing squad.The empty bowl was located in the admin offices. Someone found it and decided to liberate it from my supply room for the only group that I didn't want to upset. But, they had already consumed the remainder of the biological weapons. As I left with the bowl, I heard the familiar sound of incoming fire from the senior pay clerk's desk, followed shortly after by what sounded like Lamaze breathing.That weekend, the entire building was cleaned from one side to the other. MREs were consumed in the hopes of plugging the torrential flood of liquid terror and every door and window was opened with fans going over a cup of pinesol in every room. Three-quarters of the enlisted and half of the officers were hit with the mystery stomach bug and the medical supply room was in desperate need of more I.V. kits.I don't know if my message got across, but it was definitely an entertaining weekend."
},
{
"title": "A delicious treat that should be enjoyed only after the following preparations have been made",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Goldbears-Pound/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8",
"body": "A delicious treat that should be enjoyed only after the following preparations have been made,1- make sure it's Friday and cancel all weekend plans, for good measure go ahead and call in for Monday2- call the city and make sure your water bill is paid in full3 visit your local hardware store and purchase a sink attachment for your garden hose as toilet paper will quickly become too painful to bear4 give advanced notice to family members, roommates and neighbors unless you're keen on trying to give birth to a crushed watermelon while convincing your local swat team that both the screaming and demonic noises are from you and a dynamic entry would only bring about more needless suffering5- redo your restroom in motivational pictures, ones with slogans like courage is fear hanging on one minute longer, the only easy day was yesterday etc, I also advise posting up the suicide prevention hotline number or having a dedicated friend or other support group to walk you through the low times.Lastly I must strongly urge you to consider why you are thinking of buying this product, is it a sense of deep self loathing? A reckless sense of adventure? Are you researching dysentery? perhaps you are the drill sergeant of some extreme commando unit seeking to break down the enemies will to fight by airdropping these into their midst. If you are just curious then let me say oh fellow human, beware for this life is dangerous enough, next time I want a thrill I'll skydive without a parachute, that way at least I'll have a chance."
},
{
"title": "Five Stars",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Goldbears-Pound/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8",
"body": "help me"
},
{
"title": "Five Stars",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Goldbears-Pound/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8",
"body": "GOOD CLEANSER"
},
{
"title": "Five Stars",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Goldbears-Pound/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8",
"body": "You know what you're getting yourself into at this point. It's all real. Very real."
},
{
"title": "Tastes just like regular gummy bears!!",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Goldbears-Pound/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8",
"body": "Let me preface this by saying I have a stomach of steel, I work in EMS and live off of fast food and cheap Mexican stands, so few things actually give me diarrhea. Have you ever been so constipated that your stomach hurts? These will fix the problem in less than an hour!! I had a cup, (yes, a cup, like a measuring cup) of these after going more than a week without a poo. Within an hour I was finally rid of the evil 6in log inside of me, it even softened enough that I didn't tear! Probably not the best thing for kids, though."
},
{
"title": "Five Stars",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Goldbears-Pound/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8",
"body": "I have been sitting on my toilet for 5 hours in excruciating pain, 10/10 would purchase again"
},
{
"title": "Five Stars",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Goldbears-Pound/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8",
"body": "The perfect revenge candy!"
},
{
"title": "Five Stars",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Goldbears-Pound/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8",
"body": "Tastes amazing butt hurts like none other coming out. Perfect for coworkers or friends"
},
{
"title": "Sugar Free",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Goldbears-Pound/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8",
"body": "I weighed 189 before I ate these, I'm now a skeleton"
},
{
"title": "these hell bears totally lived up to the name gave ...",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Goldbears-Pound/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8",
"body": "these hell bears totally lived up to the name gave them to one of my classmates he spent the whole day in the bathroom.... we all laughed"
},
{
"title": "Will make you poop. Great laxative.",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Goldbears-Pound/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8",
"body": "Definitely encouraged defecation. Working as intended."
},
{
"title": "They did not disappoint.",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Goldbears-Pound/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8",
"body": "Bought these to see if all the other reviews were true. Put them in a big bowl at the office and sat back to watch the fireworks. They did not disappoint."
},
{
"title": "Five Stars",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Goldbears-Pound/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8",
"body": "I have done horrible horrible things with these :)"
},
{
"title": "I ate 14 of these and they cleaned me out ...",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Goldbears-Pound/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8",
"body": "I ate 14 of these and they cleaned me out for three days. No joke, these are too mean for the gag gift I intended for them to be."
},
{
"title": "Intended Result Success",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Goldbears-Pound/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8",
"body": "This has the exact conclusion that I had hoped. Bought a bag and shared with coworkers, was not left disappointed. Mua haha."
},
{
"title": "Nothing like the spirit of Christmas to share some tummies with ...",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Goldbears-Pound/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8",
"body": "Nothing like the spirit of Christmas to share some tummies with my office. One guy said his ride home was a pinching experience......treasured forever!"
},
{
"title": "Yoo-hoo into a ceiling fan.",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Goldbears-Pound/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8",
"body": "Bought some elsewhere out of curiosity. Looked like someone threw a Yoo-hoo into a ceiling fan. Maltitol should be banned."
},
{
"title": "These sugar free gummy bears cleared my bowels like no other",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Goldbears-Pound/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8",
"body": "These sugar free gummy bears cleared my bowels like no other, thank you haribo! If you have someone in your life that needs a special cleansing give them these they will thank you. Bowel Voyage!"
},
{
"title": "Took several hours but finally worked",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Goldbears-Pound/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8",
"body": "My friends are enjoying the other reviews up here. I bought them for THAT purpose... and they worked. Needed to eat a double dose and nothing for several hours, but at one a.m. and three a.m., they did their job. I keep them in the cupboard for those special occasions when nothing else seems to work."
},
{
"title": "Worked like a charm",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Goldbears-Pound/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8",
"body": "Worked like a charm. My wife and I prank each other and I got these for her. She is a diet fanatic. These little bears, sure did a big job. My wife, thought she had food poisoning. She ended up losing weight so she couldn't be that upset. Definitely going to buy more."
},
{
"title": "How fitting",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Goldbears-Pound/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8",
"body": "The taste isn't bad, but the aftermath....is quite \"haribo\"; as in, you will have haribo diarrhea."
},
{
"title": "April 25, 2014 - A day that will live in infamy",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummi-Candy-Goldbears-Pound/dp/B000EVOSE4/ref=cm_cr_srp_d_product_top?ie=UTF8",
"body": "April 25, 2014 - A day that will live in infamy - I was suddenly and deliberately attack by these evil gummy bearsIt all started the day prior when my sugar tooth persuaded me to eat 2 handfuls of these sugar-free delights. Fast forward 15 hours 23 minutes and 44 seconds, the world shook. All hell broke loose inside me, a sudden headache, my skin began to perspire and something tore around in my abdomen with force enough to make me latch onto my couch with both hands and let out a sheer cry that sent my dog retreating into the bedroom, she probably knew the battle was already lost. I tried to make for the bathroom but the pressure was so intense I had to wait it out on the couch until a lapse in the gut-busting occurred and I regained control of my muscles. It took only moments before the volcano Mt Anus had blown its top. The air quickly turned poisonous from the methane and sulfuric fumes that spewed forth. Violence and terror are understatements of what happened for the next 45 minutes. I sustained 3rd degree burns from contact with the lava that flowed abruptly from my bowels, my blood pressure was at record levels, and my body mass was reduced by 4 lbs. After ample ventilation of the crime scene I quickly took a shower and changed clothes because the powerful fumes had soaked through the fabric and into the skin. I almost had a mental breakdown in the shower after realizing those little gummy bears had nearly defeated such a man that I thought I was. I can now hardly bare to look forward through the night-terrors and PTSD that will come of this horrid event. . ."
},
{
"username": "defeating_a_sandwich_only_makes_it_tastier",
"product": "Haribo Gummi Candy, Goldbears Gummi Candy, 5 Pound Bag",
"product-url": "https://www.amazon.com/NongShim-Ramyun-Noodle-Gourmet-Spicy/dp/B00778B90S",
"title": "Changed me in ways I can't explain",
"body": "Shin Ramyun is edible life essence. Last month I made a down payment on a new mansion, met Wiz Khalifa, bought a new Ferrari in cash, earned back-to-back pentakills with Kassadin, won four consecutive lotteries, tied the knot with my girlfriend, uninstalled Vim, helped my best friend deliver his firstborn child, hit my deadlift PR of 9,001 lbs, realized that I am Jeff Bezos's son, and had a bowl of Shin Ramyun. The only thing that brought me any semblance of emotion was the Shin Ramyun. By the way, that's the only thing I ate last month, and I feel better than I've felt in centuries. Shin Ramyun is the only medicine that will save us from the vile haze of chemtrails."
}
]