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yMTqbc6L6BQ.txt
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Speaker 1: 00:02 Um, you get points for that if you stay, um, which is of course a really good point. You, you have more abilities to get to a solution. But that is also like, it's also assuming that you will always get to a solution. Yes, true.
Speaker 2: 00:27 Yes, yes, yes.
Speaker 1: 00:29 Spend a winning solution that will keep them
Speaker 2: 00:33 true. Well, you know, there used to be before the divorce laws were really liberalized, there were there you could sue for irreconcilable differences and, and sometimes people do find themselves in that situation. It's like one person wants children and the other person doesn't like that's a tough one. It's a tough one to negotiate. So I'm, I'm certainly not saying that just because you lock yourself into a, like two cats in a barrel that, that will make you solve your problems because problems are hard to solve and sometimes you can't solve them. I was just pointing out what the cost of, of leaving the back door, what the cost of leaving the back door open ends. And it's a big cost. And, you know, one of the things that I see too is that people's identities fragment increasingly across time. You know, one of the things that you have as you age is something like the continuity of your life, you know, you, you, you have someone that you're with, you've tied your story together with theirs, you have children, maybe they have children. It's like there's this continual payoff, so to speak, in quality that you obtained from staying within that frame. And you can jump out of that. And I suppose to some degree that that provides freedom. But it isn't obvious to me that it does that for people
Speaker 1: 01:52 only that one specific relationship. It's my email.
Speaker 2: 02:00 No, but, but, but it's also the case that sequential relationships are unlikely to be that. So look, I, I'm not, I'm not make, I'm definitely not making a utopian case for marriage. So
Speaker 1: 02:15 I would like to hear the case for the voice from you because they think it's really interesting. Right? It says top points, but at the same time I think there are relationships that are wanting. Yup. And we, if that's the case, then insistence on a can cannot be good.
Speaker 2: 02:37 Yeah, well that's, that's definitely the alternative argument. And of course there are strong things to be said on both sides, but see, there's some, there's some additional problems with divorce that people don't really grasp when they're young, like the, that you can be divorced once you have children. That's kind of a stupid idea because you can't. You can, you can, you can find a limited substitute for your initial freedom. But if you, if you have kids and you try to get divorced, the probability that that's going to demolish your life is a very, very high. First of all, it's incredibly expensive. So one or both of you is going to come out of that poor and
Speaker 2: 03:28 your market value has declined. Let's say you're the woman who takes the kids. Your market value has declined radically. You're going to be poorer. The man, he's just a screwed because he is now an indentured servant and there's no escape from it. So it's. And it's not so bad if you can negotiate a peaceful separation and some people can, but lots of times if you have a terrible relationship, it's not like negotiating and peaceful separation is all that easy, but if you're at each other's throats, good luck to you. I think it's roughly equivalent to having nonfatal cancer. It is not pleasant. It's a 10 year process. Fifteen year process will cost you $250,000 and it'll tear a big chunk out of your life and also it will really disrupt your relationship with your kids. And you know, you bring kids into a step. Parent family, they do not do as well. Step parents are not as good as parents, as biological parents. And the data on that is clear. Now obviously there are exceptions because there are terrible biological parents and there are wonderful step parents, but if you look in aggregate, it's not that easy to care for children. You need to everything. You can binding you to them. And if there's someone else's children, mostly they get in the way of the person that you love.
Speaker 3: 04:49 Right?
Speaker 2: 04:50 Well, if I'm, let's say you have a child, I'll be right out. Let's say you have a child and I want to go out with you every second you spend with that child is a second you don't spend with me and, and there's going to be a price for that. I'm not going to be happy about that. And if I have a child, you're going to feel exactly the same way. You might say, well, no, I love children. It's like, yeah, yeah, sure, sure you do. I doubt it. You might love your child and, and you know, it's pretty specific the way that people loved children. So, and the rate of abuse for kids in step parent families is way higher than it is in biological families. There's not even any comparison. So anyways.